Tales From The Toilet

**WARNING: This post may contain content that is unsuitable for non-potty training experienced people, 

please proceed with caution**

So I have this toddler. This toddler that decided she needs to pee on the potty. This toddler that has no concept of when she needs to pee, just that she wants to pee. on the potty. At 24 months. And I know there are those of you who potty trained at well before 2 years of age and kudos to you. I am not one of those though. I'm a potty train at almost 3 years of age (or have daycare do it for you) kind of moms. Trying to convince a toddler to NOT potty train is a delicate thing. Having a toddler that doesn't seem to mind/notice when she accidently slips and puts a leg in the toilet, and then comes over, naked and plops that wet leg up on your couch is just disgusting. And makes the not potty training imperative.

Summer & Leave = Mommy Meltdown

Let me start this post with the following disclaimer: 

    "I Love My Husband and My Children with All of My Heart."

But....

I love them a little more when a majority of them are out of the house for at least 6 hours a day, Monday through Friday. 

Army Guy has been on leave, because of his ability to stockpile leave, since basically March. MARCH. Almost 4 months. And while yes, it's been great having him home, it would've been nice to have a warm up period. See, Army Guy came home from his latest sandbox and pretty much instantly went on leave. So, we went from one extreme to the other. No warning, no re-deployment briefs, no prep....just home. All. of. the. time. 

At first, it was awesome. He got up with the kids, I got to shower with only 10 interruptions, the kids taught him how the morning routine went, we'd run errands, have some downtime and then the older ones would escape school, the bewitching hours would begin, and then wham it was kids bedtime and we were curled up on couch watching TV. Then we added PCS prep to our lives. Not too much stress, but anyone who has PCS'd before knows that the husband being home for a PCS adds a different dynamic to having to do all the PCS prep. Typically, Army Guy is working his butt off while I'm at home figuring out what we are moving, tossing and donating. This move, he was home....asking questions. Not bad questions. Not invasive questions. Not rude questions. Just questions. I patiently (some times more patiently then others) answered all questions, explained how we moved, figured out the move.mil system, explained it to Army Guy, and we muddled through it all. And just as we were feeling all confident about our move, our movers showed up with a truck that was too small on the day that school let out, the day before we had cleaners and final inspection with the Property Management company that we listed our house with. Crap. Okay, no biggie...it's just stuff. We watched them load and then unload, and call for another truck. We hoped it would all get there and we let it go. School over. House cleaned. Keys to Property Management. Down the road we go. 

At that point, I was looking forward to Army Guy being with Thing 1 in a different vehicle. Yes, I'm a bad wife. I was just looking forward to having some quiet, non-thinking time. And I did have that, for about 2 hours off and on over a 10 hour car ride. Somehow in my delusional thinking, I'd forgotten that I'd have Thing 2 and Sam-I-Am with me. And while I didn't have to have huge, thinking conversations with them, I had to acknowledge EVERY time one of them said "MOM!" like I was 6 car lengths in front of them instead of the 2 feet I actually was. 

I then realized I was fighting a losing battle. I'd lost my quiet time. Poof. Out the window it went, somewhere along I-24 in Kentucky. 

No big deal. We'll get done with this whole move thing (which included a 3 week stay in Texas with the parents...) and then my quiet time will come back. It'll bring coffee and pedicures. It'll be great. 

And yet, here we are. Done with move. House setup. Still no quiet. 

Insert Mommy Meltdown Here.

I'm trying to be adult about it and understand that Army Guy is getting ready to go into a job that will have him gone more then home and that he's just trying to spend as much time with me/us as possible. I'm trying to be adult about it and understand that the kiddos are just bored and anxious because they've just had a major change. I'm trying to be adult about it and understand that it's a good thing that everyone needs me because eventually they'll get to a point where they don't want to be seen in public with me and then they'll go to college across the country and my house will be lonely. I'm trying to be adult about the fact that our lives will go back to a "normal" schedule and that I'll crave quality family time. 

Army Guy reports in tomorrow and school starts the first week of August...that'll help...right? :) I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Porter + PCSing = Something bad...ALWAYS

Let me start by saying I love this dog...he's so entertaining and loving and tolerant of his not as furry siblings...

BUT...

He doesn't PCS (aka move) well. Or I should say, Porter makes PCS's way more entertaining then they ever need to be.

Worst part of moving...

I've decided that military members should have their own license plates. Seriously. There should be a federally funded vehicle registration program. I mean if they make me put a sticker on the front of my car, why can't they also just issue me a plate and we'll call it good.

Let me explain my frustration with vehicle registration: 2005 Mustang Saleen...aka "the yellow car" or "the other woman" or "daddy's car!!!"

When we purchased the Saleen, our home of record was Texas. However, Texas requires a plate on the rear and front of the car. Army Guy immediately poo-poo'd drilling holes into the front of the Saleen for a license plate. As we were recent (like 2 months prior) life long residents of Oklahoma and his parents still lived there, we voted for Oklahoma tags on it. I created a personalized tag. All was good and right with the world. Then we found out that Oklahoma offers a military rate plate for people who are either stationed in Oklahoma or legal residents of Oklahoma residing out of state and we got a heavy discount on our renewal fee. Whoo!

So for 5 years, we had it registered in Oklahoma without any problems. Then Oklahoma decided that it didn't like us anymore. I'm sure it's a revenue thing, but I took it personally. :) They changed the law to say that you either have to be stationed in Oklahoma OR and out of state resident that pays state income tax. Well, when Army Guy commissioned he listed my parents in Texas as our home of record as our address because well it was--so we don't pay OK state income tax. However, Oklahoma Tax Commission didn't feel it was necessary to tell me this information until AFTER they'd cashed my tag renewal check. Imagine my surprise when I opened what was supposed to be the renewal sticker and found a letter saying 'oh, by the way, we changed the law and you owe us $75 more...." After a ranting phone call to OTC, I decided to register the Saleen in TN, our current location. We already have the  truck (banana boat) and the van (mom mobile) registered here because we purchased them here. TN does an awesome program that allows soldiers who reside in TN but don't pay state tax to TN, to pay a minimum amount to register their vehicles here--just bring in your LES with your renewal and all is good. Whoo! So now I own three vehicles that are all registered in the state we live in. Whoo!

Insert Army.

We are now headed to the west coast....to a state that has emission laws....with a car that most likely will NOT pass an emission test because Army Guy tweaked with it. Good times. After thinking that we could renew it a little early and buy ourselves a year to think about what we were going to do about it, I called TN DMV today to confirm that thinking. Yah, I was wrong. And evidently I'm a complete idiot for even thinking that I could renew it a few months early, according to the old woman's tone at the DMV....after she used a double negative...but whatever. Soooo, now in addition to all of our normal PCS stress I have to figure out what to do with the Saleen's tag.

My options are as follows:
A) do a renewal by mail for TN and *pray* they don't notice our BAH zip change....
B) change registration back to the great state of OK while we drive through there on our way west right before Memorial Day (aka the end of the month...WORST TIME EVER at DMV)...assuming they don't need proof of residency and resign myself to paying $85 per year to keep Saleen from having stickers/plates up front
C) register it in our legal state of residency-TX...hope it passes inspection (usually it does though since it's so pretty...) and put 2 stickers on windshield and tag in front and live with really crabby Army Guy...this isn't really a viable option...
D) Hope and pray it passes CA smog test (which I've JUST been informed it won't...again....by Army Guy...) and register it there...another not real viable option.

So here's my thing...if Army just passed a law/bill/thingy that says as a spouse I can now pick one state as my "home of record" instead of having to change EVERYTHING (drivers license, plates, etc) every time I move because the Army moved my husband, why can't Army streamline vehicle registration?

And I'm sure there's tons of reasons why not...state revenue, Army & State relations, etc....but right now, I don't care. I just want a federal GOV tag for my freakin yellow car so I don't have to work in the DMV in Oklahoma, where they just can't seem to grasp how military works, after 9 hours in the car with 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 husband, only 1/3rd of the way into our voyage.

Random Rants of Army Kiddos

The other day Thing 2 had Strep and was prevented from doing all of the things she "just LOVED to do!!!" in a desperate attempt to get her to rest her body. Several hours after being banished to the couch, I was walking to the laundry room and noticed this on the chalk wall. 

Translation: "I don't like to be sick. Matt and Peyton get to play the Wii. I can't play on the computer. The only thing that I can do is to read Dr. Seuss books are Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, Ten Apples Up On Top, and ABC"

After taking a picture, uploading it to Facebook and snickering, I sat back and thought about how proud of her I am. I'm so immensely proud of her ability to express her feelings. 

Thing 1 had a little bit of a meltdown the other day after learning we were in fact moving and not staying here. And through the tears, he told me how he's excited to move, glad Army Guy doesn't have to deploy this Fall, but how he feels bad for his friends. Evidently, he has two best friends at school but one of them is moving next week and prior to us moving this wasn't too big of a deal for Thing 1, but now that we're also moving he's worried for his one friend that is left behind. And he's stressing TCAP testing. And as he sat there spewing all of this to me, I was thinking it's sad that he has to go through all of this, but he's so strong and I'm so lucky for that.

The kiddos ability to express their feelings (positive and negative) in a constructive manner is my proudest parent moment. Their lives are always in some state of random flux (positive and negative) that they are prime candidates to have significant mental health issues. Army is just now figuring this out and how to give them more support, which I'm glad that they're figuring this all out. But, in the meanwhile, we parents of those kiddos with parents deployed and in a constant roller coaster of Army life, have been doing the best that we can. And it's nice to see that they can say "you know what this sucks today" instead of acting out at school, falling into the wrong crowd, violence, etc.

I'd love to tell you there's some brilliant method to my madness, but nope. It's just survival. It's understanding they are involved in this as much as we are, instead of thinking of them as minions. :) They get a voice, they get an opinion because they don't always get a choice.

And I have to remind myself of this as Sam-I-Am enters the "no!!!!" phase.....