Tales From The Toilet

**WARNING: This post may contain content that is unsuitable for non-potty training experienced people, 

please proceed with caution**

So I have this toddler. This toddler that decided she needs to pee on the potty. This toddler that has no concept of when she needs to pee, just that she wants to pee. on the potty. At 24 months. And I know there are those of you who potty trained at well before 2 years of age and kudos to you. I am not one of those though. I'm a potty train at almost 3 years of age (or have daycare do it for you) kind of moms. Trying to convince a toddler to NOT potty train is a delicate thing. Having a toddler that doesn't seem to mind/notice when she accidently slips and puts a leg in the toilet, and then comes over, naked and plops that wet leg up on your couch is just disgusting. And makes the not potty training imperative.


This all started a couple of weeks ago.

Sam-I-Am made a "go potty!" comment and Army Guy's face lit up. "Yes! The end of diapers is near!". I smiled at him in that "Riiiiigggghhhhhtttt" kind of way and took Miss Sam-I-Am to the potty. We did the whole "mommy helps" thing and while she didn't actually go on the potty her diaper was a warm "I just peed in this wet". I did a silent "hmmm, maybe Army Guy is right" thought and moved on to helping her flush, wash hands and then attempted to put a diaper back on her. Attempt failed. She promptly announced "I POTTY!" and we were back at it. 4 rounds of this later, I realized that it wasn't she recognized when she needed to potty as much as it was she was amazed at how exciting the potty was. Hmmm...maybe Army Guy was wrong. I went ahead and vocalized that thought and Army Guy sighed in defeat. By this time, I'd convinced Sam-I-Am to put her diaper on and we called it a loss.

The next day though, Sam-I-Am was back on the whole "I GO POTTY" parade. And this time she actually did go pee in the potty. While under Army Guy's care. In hindsight, I question the accuracy of this story. According to him, she took her diaper off, ran to the potty, and peed in it. WHOO! I'm all excited on the inside, singing the "yay, no more diapers! now I can spend that money on pedicures,Vera Bradley, or childcare time!" song. So off and on all day she does this whole "GO POTTY" thing. We were more unsuccessful then successful, but she was still having a grand old time and I was still hopeful. Hopeful enough to purchase big girl panties for her. Army Guy's plea of "ummm, can we do something about the buttcheeks running around this house?" expedited that process. Interestingly enough, all of the male friends of Thing 1 weren't phased by the naked toddler stopping by to say "HI!" as she ran, screaming "I GO POTTY" through the house. At first, THAT really creeped me out. But then I found out that both of those boys have sisters that are a year older then Sam-I-Am and so it's a norm in their world too. So, we try big girl panties and a step stool because to be honest, I'm tired of having to constantly follow her to the bathroom to help her on/off the toilet. Plus, I'm still emotionally fighting the fact that my youngest is potty training. I've taken the "I'll provide her the tools she needs, but I'm not helping her" stance by this point. I really should've thought about that more.

After 2 days of wet panties, 2 epic fails of pooping *near* the potty, I put my foot down and put the diaper back on her. We remove the step stool from the bathroom. She takes it relatively well...it required only a day of pants that she couldn't remove herself.

However, in this decision, I created another monster. The Power Struggle Monster.

Today, was a Power Struggle kind of day. Sam-I-Am woke up in a mood. She woke up wanting everything done in her way, at her time, and God help you if you didn't do it right. She literally wondered around the house just saying "NO!" for a good part of the morning. Then later in the morning, she added taking her pants off to the "NO!". Now, I'm assuming that this is in retaliation for me not letting her pick her clothes this morning, so I don't think too much about it. But then the potty thing comes creeping back up. And at this point, I'm tired of the "NO!" so when she comes running in with wrinkled up brow and announces "I GO POTTY!" in her ugly, demanding toddler voice. I respond with "sure, Sam-I-Am, you can go potty...have a good time...if it makes you stop screaming at me you can sit on that flippin toilet all day long.". Her face lights up like Christmas and off she goes, dropping clothes and diaper on her way. So back and forth she goes every 2 minutes for 30 minutes: living room (outside my reaching distance though, in case I change my mind and decide to strap her back into a diaper) to bathroom, bathroom to living room. All is good and right in her world. But then the "NO!" comes back. First she decides she wants a pull-up, then no pull-up. Then diaper, then no diaper. Then as I'm trying to decide if I'm going to escalate this minor argument into a full on power struggle, she climbs up on the couch next to me, completely naked, in a reclined position, one sopping wet leg, legs spread from here to there and asks for a fruit snack. And the decision was made.

I snatched her up, wiped up what I assumed was water from the sink (denial is a grand place to be), and put a diaper on her. Then I proceeded to the bathroom to clean up the sink area. Only the sink was dry. But the floor around the toilet wasn't. Nor was the toilet lid. Nor were the pull-ups scattered around the toilet. And as Sam-I-Am stood behind me screaming "NO DIAPER! I GO POTTY!", I turned to her and said "Did you fall in the potty?!?!?" And instantly the crying stops and she says, very matter of factly, almost excitedly "Yes!" Sigh. So the water mark on my couch is not just water and the little wet feet print from the bathroom to the living room isn't just water. Sigh.

This is why I don't potty train until 3. 3 year olds don't have to scale the toilet like freakin King Kong. :)