When we got married I was 19 years old. The Husband was 23. He was leaving for the Army in 2 weeks and I had no idea what our life looked like. We hadn't discussed how many kids we would have, we'd discussed having kids, but not the amount. We hadn't had a home together. We were still in that "I'll say/do whatever you want to hear/do because I don't want to rock the boat" phase. We had vague ideas of what our life would look like, but nothing set in stone--no set expectations. No ideas of what we would be like in 5, 10, or 20 years. I'm so glad we had no idea what we were getting into.
I firmly believe that people HAVE to grow and change. They have to bloom. The person I was at 18 is not the person I was at 24 or at 33. Because I grew. I changed. I gained self-confidence. I lost the need to be defined by whatever everyone else thought my role should be. The Husband is not the same person I married 14 years ago. He's been through a lot of life changing events. He's gained self-worth. He's lost the need to prove himself to those who question him. We've been through a lot of life changing events. We've changed. We're not the same people that got married 14 years ago. We've grown together.
We've had 3 children, we've had deployments, we've had reintegrations, we've had moves, we've had Memorial Services, we've had fights, we've had laughter, we've had soul crushing defeats, and we've had life rejuvenating wins. We've had all of this together and independently. We've changed together and independently.
And I think that's the root of marriage--it isn't finding your soul mate for that brief window in your life, it's finding your partner for the rest of your life. It's finding the person that you can say this is who I am today, but I don't know who I'm going to be in 5 years--wanna find out with me? It's not finding the person you can't live without, it's finding the person you want to ride the life rollercoaster with. It's finding the person who will let you grow into whatever God has decided you need to be, because he's growing as well and you're standing there with him as he grows.
It's finding the person who will encourage you, because you've encouraged him.
It's give and take. Sometimes one of us gives more and sometimes one of us takes more. Marriage isn't a balance--it's a partnership. It's understanding that today I may go batshit crazy and need you to take the kids or to let me just cry. It's understanding that sometimes he will go batshit and needs to hide in his quiet place while I take the kids. But more importantly, it's that we both recognize that batshit happens and we let each other work through it how we need to.
It's give and take. It's patience and understanding. It's endurance. It's compassion. It's exhausting. It's inviting. It's comfort. It's insanity. It's ever changing. It's a living thing that requires care.
It's never stagnant. It's never routine. It's never boring. It's always changing.
Thank God.
