Another One Gets in the Boat

Watching your kids learn about the realities of life is both exhausting and encouraging.

Mike and I have always been up front with kiddos about Mike’s TBI: we’ve talked at length about the repercussions of getting your brain rattled around too often and not resting afterwards. They are all keenly aware of the immediate dangers of multiple concussions.

However, I have not brought any of them into the long term effects (CTE, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, early onset dementia) of TBI. Partly because the research, data and discovery is ever changing, partly because I don’t know how this is going to play out long term and we deal with so many daily reminders of the consequences of getting blown up that I didn’t want to put the burden of long term issues on them until we actually know what those look like.

And if I had been paying attention, I would’ve caught it when Matthew excitedly told me that he was going to study brains in Anatomy soon.

But I didn’t catch it until Matthew came to me after his anatomy class started their unit on brains, visibly upset about CTE and the realities of the unknowns of TBI.

There’s nothing quite like seeing the fear that you vividly remember having when you learned of the possible long term side effects of TBI staring back at you from your child’s face.

After long discussions about how well his dad is doing now, why we do the things we do, why routine/rest are important, why we don’t put off things for too long, why Mike likes to stay challenged, why we don’t dwell on all of the unknowns and why we have faith that God’s going to be there for whatever, Matthew understood a bit more about our life.

He understood the fragility of it. He understood the strength of it. He understood the uncertainty of it. Watching him wrestle with not getting caught up in the “what-if’s” while also having a new appreciation for the now has been both painful and rewarding to experience for me. Watching him have more empathy for us as a family unit, but also knowing that that empathy was brought on by the worst “what-if’s” is conflicting.

There are so many things parents want their kids to experience like they did. This is not one of them.


Fast-forward to today:
He called me after sitting in a class discussion about Iraq: ‘you can’t tell Hillary and Sam about the long term unknowns with Dad’s TBI. At first I was mad that you didn’t tell me but now after this last week, I understand how much worry you were keeping off of me and so I’m glad you didn’t say anything because we just don’t know what it’s going to look like. So please don’t tell the girls until you have to. I don’t want them to have process these fears too.’

TBI is a scary wench. I keep as up to date on the data/treatment options/long term studies as much as I can. Mike is very cognizant of things that impede his ability to function at 115% like he likes. We are managing this scary wench.


It is both a blessing and a curse that Matthew now understands TBI like I do.