And sometimes I'm not too sure what to do with him. See, he's insanely naive. Well, maybe not naive, but just sheltered. Or introverted. He likes video games, but not gory ones. He's not into sports. His best friends are typically girls. He doesn't really get the whole texting craze even though he has a phone. He prefers to hang out with the adults. He loves cartoons. He doesn't have an opinion about his clothes. He doesn't have an interest in music, other than what they play at gym. He doesn't watch violent TV. He's just a simple kiddo.
He loves loves loves Legos. He loves to jump on trampoline. He sings in the shower. He builds forts. He runs around with neighborhood kiddos playing with swords. He rides a scooter and a bike. He plays at the park. He loves to be a smart ass. He does small talk with adults. He plays independently at recess (much to the concern of his teacher). He loves to help with anything, to the point of teacher's pet.
So the other day, The Husband called me while I was at the Commissary to ask me to get the girls more hair conditioner because they were out, already. When I questioned, The Husband, said it was also glopped all over the shower, as if someone had flung it all over the shower. So, after I got home, I asked Thing 2 about her conditioner usage. And she denied using the conditioner, which I believed seeing as how I wash her and Sam-I-Am's hair. So that leaves Thing 1. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how you could possibly fling conditioner all over everywhere when you have an inch of hair. Then I had a horrible thought. What if the conditioner wasn't being used for his hair. What if it was being used in another fashion....oh my God, what if, all of a sudden, he'd turned into a 10 year old boy who wasn't as sheltered as I thought he had. Immediately, I turned to The Husband and said "yah, it's time for you to have *that* talk with him.". The Husband burst into laughter, then made some comment about needing to deploy. I frantically explained that I was not built to have this conversation and I was not having this talk with him. And The Husband continued with his laughter. But it made me realize, I was seriously never planning on having any kind "yah that's your junk, leave it be, please don't play with it, and I'd better never find you with an apple pie in my kitchen..the kitchen is a sacred place!" conversation. I spent 2 hours trying to convince The Husband that this talk was necessary and he needed to be prepared to answer all questions. The Husband kept laughing at me. He decided being calm and rational was the better approach. So when Thing 1 came in from outside, we asked him if he'd used all of the conditioner. I was ready and waiting for him to adamantly deny any use of the conditioner. I was as ready as I'd ever thought for the whole quit using conditioner to play with yourself talk. Then Thing 1 said something I wasn't anticipated.
His response to our question: "Well how else do you expect me to wash my body? I mean, sometimes when it comes out of the bottle and I put it on my arms it drips and gets all over the shower, but usually I just wash the shower off." It took me a minute to process. And then I said "so wait, you're using conditioner to wash your body?" And then my sweet boy said "well, yah" in the geez you're a freakin idiot mom tone. I burst into laughter. Said a prayer for dodging that bullet and then explained that the bottle clearly labeled "Body Wash" is for his body and conditioner is for his hair ONLY. Thing 1 acknowledged that he was confused and then proceeded on with the rest of the night.
I spent the rest of the night thinking when he gets to needing *that* conversation, I'm just going to give him American Pie and call it a loss.
