While The Husband is getting awesome feedback from job recruiters and whatnot, one of the things that keeps nagging me is what am I going to do now? It's almost as if I'm overwhelmed by options and I'm beginning to shut down. Ha! Army has had so much control over EVERYTHING in our life that without it, I'm just not too sure where I should be headed. I want to go back to college of course, but it'll probably wait until Sam-I-Am is in school full time, so that I don't have added childcare expenses. So, basically I've got 2 years of ummmm, what? Army wives are such a different breed, that we don't sit, we volunteer, we care for each other, we deal with all of the added stress that is military life on a daily basis. But, ummm, what do civilian wives do?
This is my *HUGE* concern. What am I going to do with my free time? Not that I'll have any free time until at least October, but hey, you know it's all about pre-emptive worrying. I thrive in chaos. What happens when the majority of my chaos fizzles away. Will new chaos replace it? What happens if it doesn't? What happens if there's no chaos? What do I do then? I'm not a volunteer at my kids school kind of person. They go to school for 6 hours a day because that is what's best for our relationship. I'm not really seeing a job in my future due to childcare dilemma. I'm not a PTA mom, I'm not a couch holder-downer, I'm not a city volunteer type person...ahhh! Who am I?
I'm a mom, wife, half-assed blogger, walking reference manual, listener, advice giver, sanity loser, sanity saver, drama free, fire putter-outer, a planner, and a whole other list of things that I can't really think of right now...
But, I'm just not sure who I am without the chaos that is Army. Army has always had a hold on our life--I couldn't go back to school because well we wouldn't ever be some place long enough to attend classes (online classes are not my thing), I couldn't find a job without education, I couldn't volunteer as much as I'd like lately because of childcare issues (some of that I blame on child/some of that I blame on availability), I had to be able to change all our vacation and/or life plans at a moment's notice. I still get cranky and whatnot about the sudden change..even when it's good--there was a huge meltdown last week when The Husband was actually able to take leave to join kiddos, me, and The Grandparents on what I'm lovingly referring to as The Road Trip from Hell. But, what happens when there isn't this chaos that is Army.
What happens when The Husband only works 60-70 hours a week AND he's home on weekends?!?! What happens when you're able to plan family vacations months in advance and then actually go on them?!?!? What do you do when you have control over your own life for the first time in 12 years?!?!
How do you become completely overwhelmed with all of the potential your life has without the chaos that is Army?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
How We're Surviving Life With Earned Screen Time
Three weeks ago I realized Thing 1 and Thing 2's chore plans weren't working and I'd tried all of the 'recommended' plans. The sticker plan was an epic fail from the beginning as they would sticker their own charts when they thought their chores were done..no matter where I hid the stickers. The "I'll pay you" plan didn't work as they'd already purchased every $5 and under toy that the PX had to offer and they didn't really understand why I wasn't willing to drive 2 hours to help them spend their $5. The "they can just live in their own squalor" plan worked until something started to smell from their rooms. The "you have responsibilities and we work as a team and I'm your mom not your maid speech" method incited more questions ("what's a maid?" "but aren't moms supposed to clean up?" "what's a responsbibity?" "at school we have rules, are these like new rules?" "are we like a soccer team, because one time I was on a soccer team but I didn't like it" and so on...) and didn't work either. The "nag them until you're screaming and they're crying" plan just wasn't working as effectively as I'd hoped. So I got desperate.
Desperate enough to make them earn their screen time. I know, I know, it's borderline insanity and I actually thought about having myself committed, but then I realized if I did have myself committed, I'd just have an even nastier mess to come home to.
So I went to Pinterest (and if you don't know what Pinterest is, let me just tell you it's like Mommy/Wife/Life crack and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone...so if you need an invite, just let me know) and searched for a cutesy chore chart idea. Found the best idea of making one on cute paper and then putting it in an empty picture frame essentially making it a dry erase board. Brilliant. I'd already done years of research in age appropriate chores and felt fairly confident in knowing what kiddos could do, couldn't do and I didn't want them doing. So, I decided to put some of the things that they had on their previous charts: make bed, brush teeth, brush hair, clean room, etc., but I also left off some and added others such as clean toilets, wipe bathroom counter tops, all those things that I despise doing. And then I sat them down for the talk.
I explained to them that we had a new system for chores. Their chore list was explained to them with little resistance and even a bit of excitement from them. I explained I was no longer going to nag them, but I might occasionally remind them of their chores. And then I dropped the bomb. "You will have no screen time during the week, unless it's required for school. Doing your chores during the week will earn you weekend screen time. If you decide not to do your chores during the week, you will not have weekend screen time." Mouths dropped, gasps were made, and their new reality was accepted. Of course there were questions "what happens if? is a leapster a screen? but we still get the movie in the car right? does the Kindle count as a screen?" The next day, we began our life without a screen.
The first week went surprisingly well. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were very good about doing their chores everyday. They played together when their chores were done. They never whined about not having a screen. It.was.amazing! I felt soooo victorious. The evenings were smoother. The house was quieter and louder all at the same time. Things were good. They earned their screen time for that weekend and all was good and right in the world.
The second week, wasn't as smooth, but it wasn't bad either. There were some gentle reminders and some days where not all of the chores got done. Some of that was due to time management, some of that was because we just didn't get to it. But there was significant attempts at getting everything done, so they earned their screen time and all was right in the world.
The third week has been an epic fail kind of week. Right now, I couldn't find Thing 2's floor if I tried. Thing 1's resorted to stuffing things under his bed. His plan of doing his "read for 30 minutes" chore at bedtime didn't work all week because he was asleep before he'd finished reading. There were major issues with doing homework with both of them. No one wiped counters. Basically, no one seemed to want to do their chores, even after being reminded of the consequences. So here we are on Saturday and they've lost out on screen time for the weekend. Which is doubly sucky for them (and who are we kidding, everyone else in the car) because we'll be driving 4 hours tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.
While I'm currently a bit frustrated with their behavior right now, I'm sticking to my guns and not giving up. I've loved how not insane our evenings have been. I loved how the tv wasn't the most important part of their evening. I loved watching them play Go Fish with Phase 10 cards and their own rules. I loved how less stressful everything was because I didn't have to pry them away from a screen. I loved how many random questions they come up with. I loved how much they went outside to play. So, yah, it's not a perfect plan, but it's the plan that's worked the longest. Ha!
**Disclaimer: I do watch tv during the day while they're at school. And I did implement this plan while The Husband was out in the field, so that I didn't have to argue with him about it. :) **
Desperate enough to make them earn their screen time. I know, I know, it's borderline insanity and I actually thought about having myself committed, but then I realized if I did have myself committed, I'd just have an even nastier mess to come home to.
So I went to Pinterest (and if you don't know what Pinterest is, let me just tell you it's like Mommy/Wife/Life crack and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone...so if you need an invite, just let me know) and searched for a cutesy chore chart idea. Found the best idea of making one on cute paper and then putting it in an empty picture frame essentially making it a dry erase board. Brilliant. I'd already done years of research in age appropriate chores and felt fairly confident in knowing what kiddos could do, couldn't do and I didn't want them doing. So, I decided to put some of the things that they had on their previous charts: make bed, brush teeth, brush hair, clean room, etc., but I also left off some and added others such as clean toilets, wipe bathroom counter tops, all those things that I despise doing. And then I sat them down for the talk.
I explained to them that we had a new system for chores. Their chore list was explained to them with little resistance and even a bit of excitement from them. I explained I was no longer going to nag them, but I might occasionally remind them of their chores. And then I dropped the bomb. "You will have no screen time during the week, unless it's required for school. Doing your chores during the week will earn you weekend screen time. If you decide not to do your chores during the week, you will not have weekend screen time." Mouths dropped, gasps were made, and their new reality was accepted. Of course there were questions "what happens if? is a leapster a screen? but we still get the movie in the car right? does the Kindle count as a screen?" The next day, we began our life without a screen.
The first week went surprisingly well. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were very good about doing their chores everyday. They played together when their chores were done. They never whined about not having a screen. It.was.amazing! I felt soooo victorious. The evenings were smoother. The house was quieter and louder all at the same time. Things were good. They earned their screen time for that weekend and all was good and right in the world.
The second week, wasn't as smooth, but it wasn't bad either. There were some gentle reminders and some days where not all of the chores got done. Some of that was due to time management, some of that was because we just didn't get to it. But there was significant attempts at getting everything done, so they earned their screen time and all was right in the world.
The third week has been an epic fail kind of week. Right now, I couldn't find Thing 2's floor if I tried. Thing 1's resorted to stuffing things under his bed. His plan of doing his "read for 30 minutes" chore at bedtime didn't work all week because he was asleep before he'd finished reading. There were major issues with doing homework with both of them. No one wiped counters. Basically, no one seemed to want to do their chores, even after being reminded of the consequences. So here we are on Saturday and they've lost out on screen time for the weekend. Which is doubly sucky for them (and who are we kidding, everyone else in the car) because we'll be driving 4 hours tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.
While I'm currently a bit frustrated with their behavior right now, I'm sticking to my guns and not giving up. I've loved how not insane our evenings have been. I loved how the tv wasn't the most important part of their evening. I loved watching them play Go Fish with Phase 10 cards and their own rules. I loved how less stressful everything was because I didn't have to pry them away from a screen. I loved how many random questions they come up with. I loved how much they went outside to play. So, yah, it's not a perfect plan, but it's the plan that's worked the longest. Ha!
**Disclaimer: I do watch tv during the day while they're at school. And I did implement this plan while The Husband was out in the field, so that I didn't have to argue with him about it. :) **
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A Mixed Bag of Reactions
We have an official done with Army date of 01Nov2012. Whoo! We'll be leaving the World's Longest Cul-de-Sac around mid-July because of the 100 some odd days of leave that soon to be The Husband has yet to use. While this hasn't been an easy decision, it's a decision we put a ton of thought into. It's a decision that took me a bit to wrap my head around (i.e. Goodbye Army???), but we're there and we're good with it. So, since The Husband officially dropped his packet, we've been officially telling people that we're jumping ship. The reactions have been entertaining to say the least.
Some reactions have been "Congrats! Where do you think you guys will go? What does he want to do?", some have been "Yay, so you can move to where I am!!!", some have been "So what's he going to do for a job?", some have been "Are you sure you want to get out? Can't he just tough it out for a few more years?", some have been "Nooooooo!!!!". It's been a pretty even split between happiness for us, mild concern for us, and just flat out "what are you thinking?!?!".
The happiness reaction has been primarily from Army Family and the Unit People. The guys here understand it. Army Family gets it, while they may be a bit more "Nooooo!", they've also been incredibly supportive and they're house shopping for us where ever they are currently located. They make me smile.
People who've gotten out have questioned our sanity. "I got out and now I make minimum wage." "I got out and want back in." "It's alot harder in the real world." "What do you mean you don't already have a job lined up?" "So you're going to become a DOD contractor then?" "Are you going to be a gate guard?" "I guess being Infantry you could work as a cop?".
But my personal favorite is the family members (none of mine and we'll leave it at that) who responded with "well you know you're not going to get a job...". Seriously. There was a serious debate between The Husband and I as to if we were going to tell them at all or just send them a change of address notice, but guilt won and The Husband finally told them. And then their response was "well you aren't going to find a job...". Seriously. I understand that comment is based on the fact that one of their older children has bounced around from job to job since he left the Army 20 years ago, so therefore why wouldn't The Husband have the same fate? Well as he not so gently reminded them he "has a college degree to begin, a degree in Business Management, top OERs, and he challenges himself to climb the ladder.". Sometimes, we just need reminded as to why we keep them all at arm's length.
I'm not going to lie, it is a little concerning that The Husband's hiring conference isn't until June and we're leaving here in July. But, I have faith that God will get us where He needs us to be when He needs us to be there. I was trying desperately to hold onto Army a while back and God kept slowly closing the doors to Army, but late last year, He shut the last one and we were ready to move on.
If The Husband had an underwater basket weaving degree, I would be more concerned that he wasn't going to get a job. If The Husband had a degree that was only meaningful to the Army, I would be concerned that we were going to take a significant cut in pay. If The Husband lacked any motivation and didn't enjoy a challenge, I would be concerned. If The Husband had become accustomed to Army's hurry up and wait, instead of making things happen when he needs them to happen, I would be concerned. The reality is The Husband has outgrown Army. The Army is a great tool to build confidence, leadership skills, team work, etc., but at some point, it becomes counterproductive and it's complete lack of efficiency begins to drive people insane. And that's the point The Husband is at. I personally think he's just fundamentally done with the Army, which is neither good nor bad, it's just a fact.
So, while he works on Post-Army Life classes through his headhunters and I make a list of places I refuse to live, we're just enjoying how big and diverse our mixed bag of reactions is becoming....
Some reactions have been "Congrats! Where do you think you guys will go? What does he want to do?", some have been "Yay, so you can move to where I am!!!", some have been "So what's he going to do for a job?", some have been "Are you sure you want to get out? Can't he just tough it out for a few more years?", some have been "Nooooooo!!!!". It's been a pretty even split between happiness for us, mild concern for us, and just flat out "what are you thinking?!?!".
The happiness reaction has been primarily from Army Family and the Unit People. The guys here understand it. Army Family gets it, while they may be a bit more "Nooooo!", they've also been incredibly supportive and they're house shopping for us where ever they are currently located. They make me smile.
People who've gotten out have questioned our sanity. "I got out and now I make minimum wage." "I got out and want back in." "It's alot harder in the real world." "What do you mean you don't already have a job lined up?" "So you're going to become a DOD contractor then?" "Are you going to be a gate guard?" "I guess being Infantry you could work as a cop?".
But my personal favorite is the family members (none of mine and we'll leave it at that) who responded with "well you know you're not going to get a job...". Seriously. There was a serious debate between The Husband and I as to if we were going to tell them at all or just send them a change of address notice, but guilt won and The Husband finally told them. And then their response was "well you aren't going to find a job...". Seriously. I understand that comment is based on the fact that one of their older children has bounced around from job to job since he left the Army 20 years ago, so therefore why wouldn't The Husband have the same fate? Well as he not so gently reminded them he "has a college degree to begin, a degree in Business Management, top OERs, and he challenges himself to climb the ladder.". Sometimes, we just need reminded as to why we keep them all at arm's length.
I'm not going to lie, it is a little concerning that The Husband's hiring conference isn't until June and we're leaving here in July. But, I have faith that God will get us where He needs us to be when He needs us to be there. I was trying desperately to hold onto Army a while back and God kept slowly closing the doors to Army, but late last year, He shut the last one and we were ready to move on.
If The Husband had an underwater basket weaving degree, I would be more concerned that he wasn't going to get a job. If The Husband had a degree that was only meaningful to the Army, I would be concerned that we were going to take a significant cut in pay. If The Husband lacked any motivation and didn't enjoy a challenge, I would be concerned. If The Husband had become accustomed to Army's hurry up and wait, instead of making things happen when he needs them to happen, I would be concerned. The reality is The Husband has outgrown Army. The Army is a great tool to build confidence, leadership skills, team work, etc., but at some point, it becomes counterproductive and it's complete lack of efficiency begins to drive people insane. And that's the point The Husband is at. I personally think he's just fundamentally done with the Army, which is neither good nor bad, it's just a fact.
So, while he works on Post-Army Life classes through his headhunters and I make a list of places I refuse to live, we're just enjoying how big and diverse our mixed bag of reactions is becoming....
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