Goodbyes...

Army Guy left for his latest Action Adventure Destination Vacation (aka Deployment) about about week ago. And I have so many things to say about it that I literally don't know where to start. :) Kids handled the event fairly well. Thing 1 was very concerned that saying goodbye to Army Guy would make him late to his End of School class party. Thing 2 just couldn't (and still can't) wrap her brain around what was going down. I'm eternally grateful for that. Sam-I-Am was just hanging out as well. So after a few hours of gathering weapons and just standing around trying to figure out what to say to the man who is your bestest friend, who is half of you, and who gave you the 3 best gifts EVER, it was time to say goodbye.

Comfort in Surprising Packages

So true to form time before the Dreaded D always gets busy with just life stuff. Army Guy has been off training for the last few weeks, so it's been a good trial run thus far for the hoodlums and I. I felt a twinge of guilt when it was 15 days into Army Guy being gone before I heard the first genuine "I miss Daddy". I'd heard it before, but it was right after someone had been in trouble, so I don't really count that. :) I've had some concerns about how they are going to handle this upcoming Dreaded D just because it's going to be so different then the last Dreaded D.

Reason #4,937 that Deployments Suck...

I can't be mad at him without feeling INSANELY guilty about it. Seriously. Every time I get mad and then consequently blow up, I instantaneously feel guilty about it...like "what happens if something bad happens and all we did was fuss the last few months he was home", what if "and all I did was criticize his handling of the kids, what if "and all I did was make him feel like he couldn't do anything right". Ugh ugh ugh....deployments suck. 

You know, Some Days I Don't Get Paid Enough....

So Sam-I-Am has decided to start waking up during the night and Mommy has not made this adjustment well. Factor in Thing 2's sudden cold that only bothers her at night and this is one cranky mommy. As I laid in bed at 3:30am after feeding Sam-I-Am, listening to Thing 2 play in her room like it was perfectly normal to be awake AND playing at 3am it occurred to me, I don't get paid enough. As Army Guy lay snoring next to me (he SWEARS he didn't sleep at all last night), I wished for just a moment that I too had a job outside of the home so at least then I wouldn't have any guilt when I would wake him up with a shove and a "it's YOUR turn" mumble. But then I remembered when I did have a job outside of the home and I was still the one who got up at 3am to take care of whichever small thing needed something. So then I wished for just a moment that I was a man, who for whatever reason, society says 'it's okay' for him not to get up every time something small fusses. Then I really thought about THAT and decided that nah I didn't really want to be a man. So then I decided I really want a night Nanny! :) Just someone to come in every other night to pick up the night shift...basically from 8pm-8am. That'd give me time to actually sleep AND shower AND put on makeup. I'm brilliant. So, I'm taking applications for that job.....any takers? Payment is in the form of fussy children, dirty diapers, loss of sanity, and "but I'm sleeping" responses to "GET UP OR YOU'LL MISS THE BUS".

I've also decided that FRG Leader should be a paid position. It doesn't have to pay very much and it could even pay in free childcare but seriously it should be a paid position. I love doing FRG because there's never a dull moment and I honestly enjoy helping my wives, but it seems like just about the time I sit down to tackle FRG Thing 2 and Sam-I-Am decide they need something and of course they take priority. So about the time I get them settled, Thing 1 is home from school and now he needs something. Okay, get him situated, FRG here I come. And just like that Army Guy is home to share his "I can't believe XYZ did XYZ" stories of the day. And then just like that it's bath time, bed time, laundry time, dishes time, and my bed time. And FRG goes yet another day without being tackled. Thank goodness I've got a good group of wives who are fairly self sufficient and haven't decided I'm stupid...well not that I'm aware of at least...I am eternally blessed with a another awesome FRG Co-Leader. She's AWESOME! She lets me be crazy and scatterbrained. It's great. Anywho, so I'm trying to figure out a way to approach Army with my "pay your flipping FRG leaders" plan. I mean, so what if Army doesn't have enough money to give my Army Guy ink for his printers-I'm 100% confident that they'll think my plan is as brilliant as I think because I'm not sleep deprived delusional at all.

And so it begins...

That dreaded deployment cycle has started again. I've been sticking my head in the sand about it as much as humanly possible, but suprisingly enough that hasn't slowed it down. Curses! Anywho, I wasn't aware of how, even though I've stuck my head in the sand about it, my emotions were already on the rollercoaster until Grey's Anatomy premiered the other night. Yes, Grey's Anatomy sent me into deployment mode.

For those of you who don't watch Grey's, it was all about saying goodbye to a close friend/co-worker who'd been hit by a bus and the different stages of grief (I thought there were more then just 5, but oh well). So all of my not on a deployment cycle friends said "oh it's awful...i cried and cried through the whole episode". Consequently, I waited to watch episode until Army Guy was at work, Thing 1 was at school and Thing 2 was off and about doing her own thing because I hate being all boo-hooy in front of them. So there I was, curled up in chair, with kleenex, pressing play on DVR, completely prepped for the sobs. 34 minutes into the episode though--no tears. Just anger. Big hairy anger. "What the (insert really ugly word here) are these people so freakin boo-hooey about?!?!?! THEY GET TO SAY GOODBYE!!! THEY GET TO HAVE THEIR LAST WORDS WITH HIM!!!! THEY GET TO HOLD HIS HAND!!!!--if anything bad happens, I won't get that luxury!! They don't know how freakin lucky they are!!!!" It was at this point that I realized I'm in deployment mode, whether I want to be or not. I did eventually sniffle while watching Grey's but it was at the end of the episode when they showed how everyone else was handling their grief stages.

So, I've made my "things to do before he leaves" list. I'm labeling Thing 1's maps, buying Thing 2 her own map, and looking for a Daddy Doll (not the creepy stuffed picture pillow thing tho) for Sam-I-Am. I'm accepting that I'm potentially 6 months out and I'm putting my big girl panties on and dealing with it.

Stupid Grey's Anatomy. :D