While The Husband is getting awesome feedback from job recruiters and whatnot, one of the things that keeps nagging me is what am I going to do now? It's almost as if I'm overwhelmed by options and I'm beginning to shut down. Ha! Army has had so much control over EVERYTHING in our life that without it, I'm just not too sure where I should be headed. I want to go back to college of course, but it'll probably wait until Sam-I-Am is in school full time, so that I don't have added childcare expenses. So, basically I've got 2 years of ummmm, what? Army wives are such a different breed, that we don't sit, we volunteer, we care for each other, we deal with all of the added stress that is military life on a daily basis. But, ummm, what do civilian wives do?
This is my *HUGE* concern. What am I going to do with my free time? Not that I'll have any free time until at least October, but hey, you know it's all about pre-emptive worrying. I thrive in chaos. What happens when the majority of my chaos fizzles away. Will new chaos replace it? What happens if it doesn't? What happens if there's no chaos? What do I do then? I'm not a volunteer at my kids school kind of person. They go to school for 6 hours a day because that is what's best for our relationship. I'm not really seeing a job in my future due to childcare dilemma. I'm not a PTA mom, I'm not a couch holder-downer, I'm not a city volunteer type person...ahhh! Who am I?
I'm a mom, wife, half-assed blogger, walking reference manual, listener, advice giver, sanity loser, sanity saver, drama free, fire putter-outer, a planner, and a whole other list of things that I can't really think of right now...
But, I'm just not sure who I am without the chaos that is Army. Army has always had a hold on our life--I couldn't go back to school because well we wouldn't ever be some place long enough to attend classes (online classes are not my thing), I couldn't find a job without education, I couldn't volunteer as much as I'd like lately because of childcare issues (some of that I blame on child/some of that I blame on availability), I had to be able to change all our vacation and/or life plans at a moment's notice. I still get cranky and whatnot about the sudden change..even when it's good--there was a huge meltdown last week when The Husband was actually able to take leave to join kiddos, me, and The Grandparents on what I'm lovingly referring to as The Road Trip from Hell. But, what happens when there isn't this chaos that is Army.
What happens when The Husband only works 60-70 hours a week AND he's home on weekends?!?! What happens when you're able to plan family vacations months in advance and then actually go on them?!?!? What do you do when you have control over your own life for the first time in 12 years?!?!
How do you become completely overwhelmed with all of the potential your life has without the chaos that is Army?
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