For 8 years, The Husband didn't sleep. Army dictated his sleeping schedule and it turns out Army doesn't need that much sleep. The Army Husband slept 3-4 hours over 2-3 days. He saw no need in sleeping more than that and neither did Army.
Fact: sleep IS important.
The Docs discussed his the lack of sleep during the last few months of Army. They said things like "You should sleep more. You should have a sleep routine. You should get at least 6-8 hours of rest every night. Sleep is vital to your recovery. Sleep is crucial for cognitive function. Sleep is crucial for brain injury recovery. Sleep is required for psychological recovery. You must sleep." Army said things like "See that desert: go out there for days on end, observe both day and night missions, run night fire exercises, try and train the unprepared, and if you have time after all of that, you might be able to close your eyes in your HMMWV, but watch out for the coyotes that like to sleep with you." And then there were the few days that Army said "Eww you stink, go home, shower, sleep, come back out in 2 days", The Husband spent those nights with our friend, Wadio (aka Radio aka Small Torture Device For Light Sleepers Like Me) on the night stand listening to everything that was going on in the desert, so that if there was a problem, he could be consulted.
Army doesn't really appreciate sleep the way The Husband's brain needed it to.
But Civilian Land, oh Civilian Land, it does appreciate sleep. And so we hoped The Husband would treasure it as well.
Except He didn't.
He didn't treasure it on sleeping medications (two different ones--who can't sleep on Ambien?!?! The Husband.), he didn't treasure it on medications that weren't considered sleeping medications but were supposed to help his mind to chill out enough to sleep (not at all...), he didn't treasure it even after learning he has sleep apnea and got a CPAP to help (at that point he was just pretty pissed about being "tethered" to his side of the bed while I enjoyed having half of the bed ALL TO MYSELF...).
But a few months ago, he started sleeping.
I wish I could say what it was. I don't know exactly. It's not a medication (or maybe it is?). It's not a change in environment (or maybe it was?). It's not a change in stress level (or maybe it is?). It's not a psychological change (or maybe it was?). I'm honestly not sure.
But one Saturday a few months ago, I woke up, the sun was shining and The Husband was snoring. Then the next day, he was snoring after I was as well. He didn't know why he was suddenly sleeping in either, he didn't remember being up during the night but he wasn't sure. Around that same time, we got the new FitBit thingie and as an added bonus it tracks sleep!
Turns out, The Husband sleeps these days.
He still has rough nights, but they're more uncommon than common these days. He's napping less. He's alert and functional ALL DAY LONG, which I have mixed feelings about with all these kids home for the Summer...so much noise in my house.
It's been 3 years since The Husband said goodbye to Army dictating his sleep schedule, and finally, he sleeps.
Now if we could only get that 10 year old to treasure sleep too.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
My Baby Turned 6 Today
My baby turned 6 today. My baby. I'm now the proud (and terrified) parent of a 6 year old, a 10 year old and a 13 year old. I no longer have that young kid. I no longer have that little baby faced kiddo. I have a full on First Grader. No more days of watching her try to frantically communicate with us but not know any words. Today she has words that I'm fairly certain she shouldn't have: "That's a totally amazing fantastic shoe!". I no longer have a toddler who giggles and toddles as she tightly holds my hand while we walk wherever. Don't get me wrong, I still have a child that says "I'm tired of walking, can I have up?", but now it's just not as cute. There are no more babies at my house.
Yesterday, I stood in the baby department of BabiesRUs, trying to find an umbrella stroller for her to push her babies around her, as per her request. I started in the toy department and was disappointed when A) all the strollers said from 2+ on the ages (what about the bigger kids???) and B) when they wanted $26 for that flimsy Graco plastic stroller when a metal umbrella real-live stroller was $15. So I'm standing in the baby department gawking over all of the options available to moms: swings that move 24 different ways, because back/forth/side-to-side isn't enough?, bouncers that "exercise their brains"..umm, what?, and strollers in every shape, color, size you could possibly want.
Yesterday, I stood in the baby department of BabiesRUs, trying to find an umbrella stroller for her to push her babies around her, as per her request. I started in the toy department and was disappointed when A) all the strollers said from 2+ on the ages (what about the bigger kids???) and B) when they wanted $26 for that flimsy Graco plastic stroller when a metal umbrella real-live stroller was $15. So I'm standing in the baby department gawking over all of the options available to moms: swings that move 24 different ways, because back/forth/side-to-side isn't enough?, bouncers that "exercise their brains"..umm, what?, and strollers in every shape, color, size you could possibly want.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
2.5 years with the 99%
Today I read a blog posted on a "news" site titled something about the call no mom wants to receive. Attention grabber. After reading the blog I found myself thinking "seriously? a broken leg? an easily recovered from broken leg...that's what all your "I just sat beside myself with guilt because he was hurt and I was 600 miles away." "We're making it through it" blah blah blah."
Her kid broke his leg skiing and she was 600 miles away and it took her MONTHS to be able to write about it.
Seriously.
Another reminder I'm not like 99%. Right, Wrong or Indifferent.
Her kid broke his leg skiing and she was 600 miles away and it took her MONTHS to be able to write about it.
Seriously.
Another reminder I'm not like 99%. Right, Wrong or Indifferent.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
We're Not the Same
The Husband and I are coming up on 14 years of marriage this year. This year is also the same year that I have known him for at least half of his life. That's a long time these days. I was recently visiting with a friend about the repercussions of deployments and whatnot, and she said to me "He's not the same person you married". And I immediately thought "well, no, thankfully."
When we got married I was 19 years old. The Husband was 23. He was leaving for the Army in 2 weeks and I had no idea what our life looked like. We hadn't discussed how many kids we would have, we'd discussed having kids, but not the amount. We hadn't had a home together. We were still in that "I'll say/do whatever you want to hear/do because I don't want to rock the boat" phase. We had vague ideas of what our life would look like, but nothing set in stone--no set expectations. No ideas of what we would be like in 5, 10, or 20 years. I'm so glad we had no idea what we were getting into.
I firmly believe that people HAVE to grow and change. They have to bloom. The person I was at 18 is not the person I was at 24 or at 33. Because I grew. I changed. I gained self-confidence. I lost the need to be defined by whatever everyone else thought my role should be. The Husband is not the same person I married 14 years ago. He's been through a lot of life changing events. He's gained self-worth. He's lost the need to prove himself to those who question him. We've been through a lot of life changing events. We've changed. We're not the same people that got married 14 years ago. We've grown together.
We've had 3 children, we've had deployments, we've had reintegrations, we've had moves, we've had Memorial Services, we've had fights, we've had laughter, we've had soul crushing defeats, and we've had life rejuvenating wins. We've had all of this together and independently. We've changed together and independently.
And I think that's the root of marriage--it isn't finding your soul mate for that brief window in your life, it's finding your partner for the rest of your life. It's finding the person that you can say this is who I am today, but I don't know who I'm going to be in 5 years--wanna find out with me? It's not finding the person you can't live without, it's finding the person you want to ride the life rollercoaster with. It's finding the person who will let you grow into whatever God has decided you need to be, because he's growing as well and you're standing there with him as he grows.
It's finding the person who will encourage you, because you've encouraged him.
It's give and take. Sometimes one of us gives more and sometimes one of us takes more. Marriage isn't a balance--it's a partnership. It's understanding that today I may go batshit crazy and need you to take the kids or to let me just cry. It's understanding that sometimes he will go batshit and needs to hide in his quiet place while I take the kids. But more importantly, it's that we both recognize that batshit happens and we let each other work through it how we need to.
It's give and take. It's patience and understanding. It's endurance. It's compassion. It's exhausting. It's inviting. It's comfort. It's insanity. It's ever changing. It's a living thing that requires care.
It's never stagnant. It's never routine. It's never boring. It's always changing.
Thank God.
When we got married I was 19 years old. The Husband was 23. He was leaving for the Army in 2 weeks and I had no idea what our life looked like. We hadn't discussed how many kids we would have, we'd discussed having kids, but not the amount. We hadn't had a home together. We were still in that "I'll say/do whatever you want to hear/do because I don't want to rock the boat" phase. We had vague ideas of what our life would look like, but nothing set in stone--no set expectations. No ideas of what we would be like in 5, 10, or 20 years. I'm so glad we had no idea what we were getting into.
I firmly believe that people HAVE to grow and change. They have to bloom. The person I was at 18 is not the person I was at 24 or at 33. Because I grew. I changed. I gained self-confidence. I lost the need to be defined by whatever everyone else thought my role should be. The Husband is not the same person I married 14 years ago. He's been through a lot of life changing events. He's gained self-worth. He's lost the need to prove himself to those who question him. We've been through a lot of life changing events. We've changed. We're not the same people that got married 14 years ago. We've grown together.
We've had 3 children, we've had deployments, we've had reintegrations, we've had moves, we've had Memorial Services, we've had fights, we've had laughter, we've had soul crushing defeats, and we've had life rejuvenating wins. We've had all of this together and independently. We've changed together and independently.
And I think that's the root of marriage--it isn't finding your soul mate for that brief window in your life, it's finding your partner for the rest of your life. It's finding the person that you can say this is who I am today, but I don't know who I'm going to be in 5 years--wanna find out with me? It's not finding the person you can't live without, it's finding the person you want to ride the life rollercoaster with. It's finding the person who will let you grow into whatever God has decided you need to be, because he's growing as well and you're standing there with him as he grows.
It's finding the person who will encourage you, because you've encouraged him.
It's give and take. Sometimes one of us gives more and sometimes one of us takes more. Marriage isn't a balance--it's a partnership. It's understanding that today I may go batshit crazy and need you to take the kids or to let me just cry. It's understanding that sometimes he will go batshit and needs to hide in his quiet place while I take the kids. But more importantly, it's that we both recognize that batshit happens and we let each other work through it how we need to.
It's give and take. It's patience and understanding. It's endurance. It's compassion. It's exhausting. It's inviting. It's comfort. It's insanity. It's ever changing. It's a living thing that requires care.
It's never stagnant. It's never routine. It's never boring. It's always changing.
Thank God.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
About that "Veteran Friendly Employer" thing...
Known fact: Veterans are hard workers. Veterans are accustomed to working long hours until the mission is complete. Pay is appreciated and earned but that's not the main focus. The main focus is getting the job done. They're Worker Bees.
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