A few months ago, I was struggling with how I needed to parent my children, what they thought of me as a parent versus what I thought of me as a parent versus what God needed me to do as a parent versus what society expected me as a parent to do. And it dawned on me, I could just ask the kids. So I sat Thing 1 and Thing 2 down and asked them: What makes a good mommy? Thing 2 replied with something about a good mommy buys American Girl dolls (her latest fascination), but Thing 1 wrote the following:
And this became my basis for being a good mommy.
And yah, there's more to it than just this, but this is the core piece of being a good mom to him. I provide for him, I interact with him, I reward his efforts, and we have fun times. And that's all he wants. He's asking for such simple things and sometimes I think we all forget that being a parent is a simple thing. I over think things, I over worry things. I question every move I make as a parent. I don't know if I should be molding them into the person I hope them to be or if I should just enjoy the person they are destined to be. I don't know if I should be shoving college brochures down my 11 year old's throat or if I should be concerned that my 8 year old's life plan is to be an ice skater or a singer. I spend hours wondering if the littlest one is going to use her big brown eyes for good or evil. And then I realize that all I can do is support them, provide them with life skills and *always* just simply be there for them. Sometimes just being there is the hardest part of it; right now they're favorite time to need me to just be there is bedtime. They talk about their day, their futures, their happy moments, and everything in between. It used to be the most frustrating part of my day because I was trying to rush to get them down so I could get my chores done and enjoy my quiet time. But once I just sat down, let them talk, and then put them to bed I realized it was the best part of my day. Coffee in the morning runs a close second though.
Society seems to be in this huge rush to have the smartest kid, prettiest kid, most talented kid, happiest kid, perfect kid instead of just enjoying the kid they have. I've watched people shuffle their kid from one event to another to another, trying to make the most out of their kiddo's childhood, while also trying to have deep, meaningful interaction in the 20 minutes between activities, homework, supper, school projects, church projects, and bedtime. It's like there this constant need be doing something. And I just don't understand that. My kiddos have one activity per week: Thing 1 has piano, Thing 2 has ice skating lessons. That's it. And they're fine with that. And that stay busy in spite of only having one activity per week. They do chores, they play outside, they play with each other, they climb trees, they play in their rooms, they attempt to train old, lazy dogs, they create chaos with our art box. Oh, and we still do the whole they have to earn weekend tv time during the week too. I'm not going to lie and say that I wish they wanted to be in more activities, because I'm really glad that they're perfectly content with just one activity. I'm glad that we have our evenings to do whatever we want. I'm glad that there's time to enjoy each other. I'm glad that my fuel budget isn't as much as my grocery budget.
I don't think there is such a thing as the perfect way to parent. I think that God made all of our children so different for a reason and there's no one way that will be the perfect way to parent. What works for my kids, won't work for your kids and vice versa, but I think that we all worry too much about if we're doing enough for our kids and I think the best way to answer that question isn't to look to The Other Mommies, but to look to our kiddos and just ask them. You'll never know what they'll say. They may just want you to "trys to go camping".
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