You Set the Tone

In July 2001, The Husband and I arrived at our first duty station. In Germany. He was 22, I was 20 and 7 months pregnant. We had no idea what to expect. He had attended the Overseas Brief, so we had a vague idea, but in hindsight, we had NO idea what to expect. We arrived and were met by our Sponsor, who immediately took us by the Company to do a quick meet and greet before dropping us off at hotel. It just so happened that the Commander's wife was at the office. She immediately introduced herself to me and invited me to the Wives Dinner that night in town. She picked me up, we went to dinner with 5 or 6 other wives, and it was the best welcome I never expected. There was no "oh what do your husband do?", no discussion of rank, just a bunch of women chatting and having an awesome time. It was my induction into Army Life. It set the tone of what I hoped to be for the duration of our Army Life.
Thank You, Emily Johnson, wherever you might be, for giving me the best introduction into Army by making me feel welcome, even if I was a PV2's wife at dinner with PSG/LT/CPTs' wives. It is one of my best Army memories and gifts.

Fast forward several years later, we're 36 days from leaving our last Army home and I'm trying to figure out a way to say goodbye to this life and what piece of advice I can leave behind for anyone who might read this as they're venturing into or through Army Life. And the only thing I can come up with is "You set the tone". It was possibly one of the best lines ever used on "E.R" and it's just so applicable to all things in life, but especially in Army Life. We have such a different environment than civilian life and it's mainly in the mentoring department. We often look "up" to those who have gone before us on how we should behave/conduct ourselves. We look up to the wives of higher ranking soldiers, we look up to wives who have been there/done that, we look up to FRG Leaders, we look up to AFTB instructors, we look up all of the time. And sometimes it's a grand look up as far as looking up to the General's wife at an event to determine how you should also react, but sometimes it's a little look up to a fellow wife who's been through a deployment/move/anything, everything you haven't. I know that there are similar environments in civilian land, but I don't think they carry as much weight as they do in Army Land.

For many years, I tried my hardest to set the tone where ever I went in a positive light and for many years it was insanely easy to do so. Little gestures, big gestures, they were easy...appreciation was shown and given, everyone worked as a team, and my happiness with and in the Army continued to grow. To all of my Bliss Friends, I say Thank You for an amazing experience. And, so it was very frustrating that when I had the opportunity to set the tone for a much larger group of people, the tone fell flat. And I did too. I feel like I let some people down in an effort to impress others. I feel like the tone fell on deaf ears in some areas and I never gave others a chance to hear my tone. To Kelly, Emma, Sarah, and Lauren, I apologize for not mentoring as well as I had been mentored. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I let my frustration with Army get in the way of being able to project my tone. There was no tone. Just disappointment.

But now we're here. The disappointment of the Army environment no longer exists on that level. And I've remembered that my tone is still important. It may not be important to all others, but it'll be important to the ones who need it. So, just remember, you set the tone. As you navigate Army Life there will always be someone who looks up at you, not always someone who looks up to you, but definitely someone who looks up at you and your tone will be noticed. How you choose to set it is up to you, but your tone will always be seen.